Random quotes from Scott Adams

"It’s important to agree with people if you want them to think you are a genius. For most people, the definition of smart is “Thinks exactly like me but even more so.”

"All I ask from life is that I be slightly less miserable than the people who hate me. I call that winning."

"Reading brings knowledge. Knowledge is power, and power corrupts. Corruption leads to crime and crime never pays. If you keep reading, you'll go broke!!"

Over the past year, most of my co-workers have managed expensive projects that failed. I´ve done nothing but drink coffee. So on an economic basis, that makes me your top performer.

Your problem is that you have too many losers on the payroll.
Luckily I have developed a fool-proof DNA test for identifying losers.
Well, I'm afraid your DNA doesn't match mine. Loser.
- Dogbert

Journalist have two jobs. One, they can spend hours on backbreaking and time consuming investigations. Two, they can just jot down the first slanted quote they come across. Both jobs pay the same.

"Atheism is a religion in the same way that not collecting stamps is a hobby".

"If you think there's an easy way to explain to your wife why you were thinking of Vladimir Putin while she is telling you about her feelings, you would be totally wrong."

"Due to new the new savings drive, the light at the end of the tunnel has been switched off!"

"You're working hard, I'm not, and in 100 years, we'll both be dead."

"If you think that disagreeing and offering excellent reasons for your thinking will change anyone’s mind, you might be new on this planet"

I believe in karma. That means I can do bad things to people all day long and assume they deserve it.

"Life is half delicious yogurt, half crap, and your job is to keep the plastic spoon in the yogurt."

"Dance like it hurts, Love like you need money, Work only when people are watching."

"If you work hard, you can achieve great things. And then you die."

"There’s no such thing as good ideas and bad ideas. There are only your own ideas and other people’s. If you want someone to like your idea, tell him he said it last week and you just remembered"

"Intelligence has much less practical application than you'd think."

"Teamwork is what you call it when you trick other people into ignoring their priorities in favor of yours."